Susan Calman arrived on the stage at the Theatre Royal, Brighton last night, eager to share her stories, and we loved every little detail she offered.
Susan opened her set by sharing how overwhelmed she felt to be in the same dressing room as her longtime idol, Marlene Dietrich, a lovely reference to the history of our theatre. She told us how much she loved Brighton, making a welcome nod to all the lesbians in the audience, and the tone was set for the evening. She explained that she didn’t tell jokes, just rambling stories, odd statements and even vague reminiscences, but hoped by the end of the evening we would know a little more about her.
Tall tales usually imply exaggeration, embellishments and elaboration, but Susan promised to tell us about her real self. She hasn’t done any stand-up for over ten years, focusing on much-loved television formats instead, but from the off, we knew she was talking from the heart. Tall tales, in this instance, also relate to her stature. At 4’10”, her height is one of her defining features, using this to weave in some wonderfully comic stories.
Susan describes herself as a catastrophist, a person who believes the worst will happen, and also someone with an addictive personality who always believes she is right. This allowed her to tell stories of herself as a super-committed Brownie, one who was never made the Sixer she deserved to be, to recall the cringing story of being locked out on a balcony, something she knew was going to happen before it did, and of a truly romantic visit to the Paris sewers. Each tale built on the last, creating an understanding of who she is now and how she got here. Her plans for future world domination, and the reasons behind it, were hilarious (and we hope they come true!)
Throughout the evening, the comic was balanced with the reality of being a person getting through life. Her personal stories about love, loss and her own battles with mental health were frank and bold; this tour is something she is using to help herself move through these stages. The audience was with her at every stage of these journeys, appreciating the moments when she revealed information she didn’t need to share, but that brought us closer to her.
Susan’s physicality was also a major part of the show. She did silly walks, let us see her drive her beloved Darlek around the house, and even let us see her dance. Her delivery was fast and furious at times, her gorgeous Glaswegian accent rising to deliver outrage and anger in her stories before returning to personal, confidential tones. It felt off the cuff, invented just for us on that particular night. We could have listened for hours.
Of course, Strictly has been a major feature of the last ten years of Susan’s life, something she tells us she completely loved. We were treated to behind-the-scenes information, including her dress fittings, the stamina required, and the connection she built with her partner. She also talked about what we didn’t see on the screen, the lengths that she has to go to as a presenter and the trouble she gets herself into, all with an evident love of what she does. She knows how lucky she’s been.
Susan says people sometimes describe her as ‘the nice lady off the telly, who never swears, and isn’t too gay’. We left with a wonderful impression of a warm, charismatic person, and yes, we felt like we knew more about the real person herself. A well-paced show full of memorable tales, laugh-out-loud moments and a rather wonderful person.
Susan Calman continues her tour across the UK in 2026 and 2027. Tour dates can be found here.
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