Child sex abuse victim speaks out

A woman whose stepfather groomed and raped her in the 1980s has waived her right to anonymity to urge others to come forward and fight for justice.

In 2021, Sarah Carvey reported to Sussex Police Brian Hoad, groomed and raped her at the family home in Southwick. In July last year, Hoad was jailed for 18 years.

Sarah said she wants other victims to take back control by talking about their experiences and help the police and our partners get the justice they deserve.

This is what she had to say:

I was groomed and sexually abused by my step-father from the age of 12.

There’s no need for the details and semantics to be repeated here – that’s not why I’m writing this.

The purpose of this is to speak to you – yes, you.

It’s likely (if you’ve stopped scrolling long enough to read this far) that childhood sexual abuse has affected your life in some way. Whether you were a direct victim or affected vicariously by a friend or loved one’s experience.

It’s a subject that most right-minded people find uncomfortable to imagine and very difficult to discuss.

Sadly, for many victims it’s a secret kept for extended periods of their lives.

The reasons for keeping these secrets are manifold but in part may stem from a mistaken sense of shame and guilt. And that speaking out may lead to disbelief, upset and anger, which they perceive may come from those around them.

The effects of childhood sexual abuse are far reaching. From one abuser the effects can and do cause widespread devastation for the abused child and their wider families and friends.

As an abused child (now well into adulthood) once the secret is out it can feel overwhelming – as the police investigate and you are forced to deal with the reaction of those around you.

Inasmuch as you felt you didn’t have control over your own body and mind as a victim, handing over your truth to others can feel just as uncontrolled and frightening.

There are so many ways in which an abuser takes control not only of your body but grooms and manipulates the way you think and feel about yourself. The things they say affect your psychological and emotional development and behaviours, long after the abuse itself may have ceased.